Or "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" By Rick2 Grade 6 Homeroom 110
After a visit with my doctor last month he told me I have been working too hard lately and I should really think about taking a little time off. This made my wife very happy, my son happy, and me, well, not so happy. "But I've got roofs, houses and buildings lined up. I also have the dreaded 20 foot gazebo at one of my hospitals. (Gotta be sure to wear my athletic cup so the ladder standoffs don't get me again when I slid off the roof). I can't take a vacation" Nobody listens to me, off we went to Florida to see Micky and the Gang. Six year old Patrick was excited to finally meet the mouse he's only ever seen on the TV.
The new Chevy Malibu I opted for was a beautiful car waiting for us at the airport. A great car if you didn't have to put it in reverse. Putting it in reverse means you want to back up and backing up requires you to be able to actually see what's behind you. The Malibu makes this impossible with the rear deck blocking any chance of a view. Thinking I wasn't tall enough I tried to raise the electric seat up but couldn't figure it out during heavy traffic on I-4. With the AC on full blast it felt like my butt was on fire by the time we got to the hotel. I relized I turned on the electric seat heater to the "Fry" setting while adjusting the seat. Electric seat heaters in Florida? Why? I expected to see those BBQ griddle marks on my ass when I got out of the shower. Driving the new Malibu in any forward gear is a little tricky too. The front windshield pillers are just wide enough so you can't really see that bright yellow Peterbilt when your pulling out into traffic. Combine that with my wife's big head right in the way, all the time, nagging about how I'm going too fast, too slow, don't miss the exit, AHHH watch out for that big yellow truck!
Flordia heat is somwhat different from New England heat. I've got no problem at all working in 100, 105 degree heat, but in Florida, OMG! Nobody told me Orlando was located a half mile from the sun. I can't imagine doing a roof in the Florida heat. Speaking of powerwashing in Florida; I have a habbit of looking through the yellow pages when I'm visiting a new city just to see how many powerwash companys are listed. I couldn't find a single phonebook so I googled it and found so many that I don't know how a customer could make a decision. Compare that to the Yellowpages in my city and you find, ummmm, here it is...just one. It says "Pro-Power Powerwashing Residential and Commercial Concrete - Decks - Roofs and More. Since 1993 Fully Insured Free Estimates" Maybe that's why the doctor says I need a vacation.
I noticed it rains everyday in Florida, everyday at the exact same time. Nice for doing roofs. As soon as you remove your asbestos suit and put away the ladders the rain washes the roof clean. The rain also keeps the grass growing very strong. The grass was like huge green nails waiting to suck the blood out of any tourist stupid enough to walk on it with bare feet. On the bright side a single blade of grass could be used as a flatblade screwdriver to tighten a hose clamp on one of your Delavan pumps. Or you could use it as a shank to fight off a mugger. Lots of possibilties. I also noticed lots of tiny lizzards everywhere but only little ones. I assume they accidently fall on a blade of grass before they reach adulthood.
Since we were a half mile from Seaworld we went there first. All different types of seafood swimming around just waiting to be set before me. "Look at that one, it's beautiful" my wife would say. "LOOK AT THAT ROOF! I replied. Don't they know how easy it would be to clean it? And those sidewalks... haven't they ever heard of a surface cleaner here in Florida? How much did we pay to get in this dump?"
The next few days were spent with solar flares exploding mere inches form my shaved head and spending truck loads of money visiting that egocentrical stupid mouse with a with a magic wand in his hand. Here's an idea, put a sodium hypochlorite wand in his one hand, a surface cleaner in the other and send him over to Seaworld for a couple days. In no time he'll be slouched over the Rikki Tikki Bar and Grill telling recycled stories of how he used to own this town. Freakin' mouse.
When I wasn't seeing the mouse everywhere I was almost seeing what I ate for lunch a few hours prior. Have you ever ridden a 4D ride? It's a ride with 3D glasses but the ride moves every direction you can imagine. My six year old loved it. I loved rides when I was a kid, I even worked at a six flags selling burgers when I was a kid. Six flags even hired my company to powerwash and spraywax a waterslide. When they reopened the the waterslide after I was finished some kid went flying off the slide and onto the concrete below breaking a few bones. Maybe I used too much wax? Very true and funny story.
Seeing my impending vomit doom my ever thoughtful wife suggested we ride something slower, the teacups. Fine with me. Never had I'd been so happy about the bulge in my pocket that had been bothering me all day. I'm talking about my CAMERA. I was thrilled because I got the once in a lifetime picture. We were waiting for two women to get out a teacup that we chose to ride in. Two very very large fat women. The first Shamu actually got stuck while trying to exit the teacup. She was there for 45 seconds lifting unknown parts of her flesh through the teacup's exit. All I had to do was to point the camera in her general direction to capture a horrifying that would make Steven King cower in fear.
The diversity of people are amazing in Orlando. I mean, I'm used to seeing a black and white couple with a dark-skinned white baby, or a light skinned black baby. You know what I mean. In Orlando you can see a very white person with a very black person pushing a very Asian baby in a carrage. It's like someone opened a bag of M and Ms, closed their eyes, and put them in groups of three or four. I could see the foreigners from homogeneous lands staring at them wondering what kind of strange place they were visiting.
Florida isn't all about the proxmitiy of the sun, vomit or fat people stuck in teacups. I truly met some of the nicest people there. People would greet on the street, hold a door for my family, and not carjack my rented Chevy. Truly a whole different class of people I'm used to in Massachusetts.
The last thing I'll mention about Florida is the cost of living... cheap. We were looking at the cost of condos for sale and I thought the first few ads I saw were misprints. "Hey Honey, look at this condo for sale. I think they left off a zero on the pricetag. This one too (giggle giggle). And this one.... hey they can't all be misprints." How can these places sell for 40 thousand dollars?
To all my fellow powerwashers and roof cleaners in Florida, you live in a beautiful state. Except for the heat I loved every minute of it. In fact I might have to get used to the heat; my wife and I are really thinking about buying one of those condos as a little vacation spot.
Or "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" By Rick2 Grade 6 Homeroom 110
After a visit with my doctor last month he told me I have been working too hard lately and I should really think about taking a little time off. This made my wife very happy, my son happy, and me, well, not so happy. "But I've got roofs, houses and buildings lined up. I also have the dreaded 20 foot gazebo at one of my hospitals. (Gotta be sure to wear my athletic cup so the ladder standoffs don't get me again when I slid off the roof). I can't take a vacation" Nobody listens to me, off we went to Florida to see Micky and the Gang. Six year old Patrick was excited to finally meet the mouse he's only ever seen on the TV.
The new Chevy Malibu I opted for was a beautiful car waiting for us at the airport. A great car if you didn't have to put it in reverse. Putting it in reverse means you want to back up and backing up requires you to be able to actually see what's behind you. The Malibu makes this impossible with the rear deck blocking any chance of a view. Thinking I wasn't tall enough I tried to raise the electric seat up but couldn't figure it out during heavy traffic on I-4. With the AC on full blast it felt like my butt was on fire by the time we got to the hotel. I relized I turned on the electric seat heater to the "Fry" setting while adjusting the seat. Electric seat heaters in Florida? Why? I expected to see those BBQ griddle marks on my ass when I got out of the shower. Driving the new Malibu in any forward gear is a little tricky too. The front windshield pillers are just wide enough so you can't really see that bright yellow Peterbilt when your pulling out into traffic. Combine that with my wife's big head right in the way, all the time, nagging about how I'm going too fast, too slow, don't miss the exit, AHHH watch out for that big yellow truck!
Flordia heat is somwhat different from New England heat. I've got no problem at all working in 100, 105 degree heat, but in Florida, OMG! Nobody told me Orlando was located a half mile from the sun. I can't imagine doing a roof in the Florida heat. Speaking of powerwashing in Florida; I have a habbit of looking through the yellow pages when I'm visiting a new city just to see how many powerwash companys are listed. I couldn't find a single phonebook so I googled it and found so many that I don't know how a customer could make a decision. Compare that to the Yellowpages in my city and you find, ummmm, here it is...just one. It says "Pro-Power Powerwashing Residential and Commercial Concrete - Decks - Roofs and More. Since 1993 Fully Insured Free Estimates" Maybe that's why the doctor says I need a vacation.
I noticed it rains everyday in Florida, everyday at the exact same time. Nice for doing roofs. As soon as you remove your asbestos suit and put away the ladders the rain washes the roof clean. The rain also keeps the grass growing very strong. The grass was like huge green nails waiting to suck the blood out of any tourist stupid enough to walk on it with bare feet. On the bright side a single blade of grass could be used as a flatblade screwdriver to tighten a hose clamp on one of your Delavan pumps. Or you could use it as a shank to fight off a mugger. Lots of possibilties. I also noticed lots of tiny lizzards everywhere but only little ones. I assume they accidently fall on a blade of grass before they reach adulthood.
Since we were a half mile from Seaworld we went there first. All different types of seafood swimming around just waiting to be set before me. "Look at that one, it's beautiful" my wife would say. "LOOK AT THAT ROOF! I replied. Don't they know how easy it would be to clean it? And those sidewalks... haven't they ever heard of a surface cleaner here in Florida? How much did we pay to get in this dump?"
The next few days were spent with solar flares exploding mere inches form my shaved head and spending truck loads of money visiting that egocentrical stupid mouse with a with a magic wand in his hand. Here's an idea, put a sodium hypochlorite wand in his one hand, a surface cleaner in the other and send him over to Seaworld for a couple days. In no time he'll be slouched over the Rikki Tikki Bar and Grill telling recycled stories of how he used to own this town. Freakin' mouse.
When I wasn't seeing the mouse everywhere I was almost seeing what I ate for lunch a few hours prior. Have you ever ridden a 4D ride? It's a ride with 3D glasses but the ride moves every direction you can imagine. My six year old loved it. I loved rides when I was a kid, I even worked at a six flags selling burgers when I was a kid. Six flags even hired my company to powerwash and spraywax a waterslide. When they reopened the the waterslide after I was finished some kid went flying off the slide and onto the concrete below breaking a few bones. Maybe I used too much wax? Very true and funny story.
Seeing my impending vomit doom my ever thoughtful wife suggested we ride something slower, the teacups. Fine with me. Never had I'd been so happy about the bulge in my pocket that had been bothering me all day. I'm talking about my CAMERA. I was thrilled because I got the once in a lifetime picture. We were waiting for two women to get out a teacup that we chose to ride in. Two very very large fat women. The first Shamu actually got stuck while trying to exit the teacup. She was there for 45 seconds lifting unknown parts of her flesh through the teacup's exit. All I had to do was to point the camera in her general direction to capture a horrifying that would make Steven King cower in fear.
The diversity of people are amazing in Orlando. I mean, I'm used to seeing a black and white couple with a dark-skinned white baby, or a light skinned black baby. You know what I mean. In Orlando you can see a very white person with a very black person pushing a very Asian baby in a carrage. It's like someone opened a bag of M and Ms, closed their eyes, and put them in groups of three or four. I could see the foreigners from homogeneous lands staring at them wondering what kind of strange place they were visiting.
Florida isn't all about the proxmitiy of the sun, vomit or fat people stuck in teacups. I truly met some of the nicest people there. People would greet on the street, hold a door for my family, and not carjack my rented Chevy. Truly a whole different class of people I'm used to in Massachusetts.
The last thing I'll mention about Florida is the cost of living... cheap. We were looking at the cost of condos for sale and I thought the first few ads I saw were misprints. "Hey Honey, look at this condo for sale. I think they left off a zero on the pricetag. This one too (giggle giggle). And this one.... hey they can't all be misprints." How can these places sell for 40 thousand dollars?
To all my fellow powerwashers and roof cleaners in Florida, you live in a beautiful state. Except for the heat I loved every minute of it. In fact I might have to get used to the heat; my wife and I are really thinking about buying one of those condos as a little vacation spot.
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