Jesse

It was posted over on contractortalk.com last week. I still get a chuckle every time I think about that post because I see so many contractors that are just like that. :) I couldnt wait to share it over here and get a good laugh. :) These guys really do think that they have it all figured out and that we are just screwing our customers.:stupid:

A Message From The Low Baller :lgwave: Dear Cherished Customer, Thank you for hiring us. We look forward to saving you a lot of money compared with all the other contractors who submitted quotes. As for your inquiry as to how we can charge so much less than everyone else, I welcome this opportunity to explain how we operate. You see, unlike many of our competitors, we don't believe in paying top dollar to employees. There are so many people looking for work these days, it's pretty easy to find some desperate enough to work for far less than they're worth. If they start complaining, we just get rid of them and find replacements in a few days. Most jobs get disrupted just a little bit. Besides, we don't look to hire the best workers. Most of the work required for your project can be performed by people with almost no skills. (In fact, if you care to do some of it yourself, I can save you even more money.) Heck, I've learned that some of the best employees don't even speak English. They work cheapest of all and never sass the boss. Most of the time they can figure out my hand signals telling them what to do. If anything complicated does arise, that's what I'm here for. It may take a few days for me to get around to check out your job, but with all the money you're saving, I'm sure you won't mind the wait. Not only don't we pay our employees very much, we offer no benefits, because that adds way too much overhead. Our employees know that if they get sick and can't work, they don't make any money. So you can rest assured that they'll show up at your job even if they come down with pneumonia or TB. I'll tell you something else, our installers and technicians work fast. A lot of contractors tell their crews to hang around jobs forever making sure everything is just right. Experienced as I am, I know exactly when something is just good enough to get by. That’s when we call it a job. Think of all the money you save with us, not worrying about all the frilly details. Another thing is we know how to cut through all the government paperwork. Most rules and regulations make no sense. For instance, everyone in the construction industry knows that hardly anyone ever gets caught working without a permit or trade licenses. The money we save by avoiding these technicalities gets passed on to you. We also cut corners with code requirements and standards at every opportunity. Standards do nothing but jack up the price of a project. By substituting cheaper materials and ignoring labor- intensive procedures required to meet code, we are able to charge much less than those suckers who operate by the book. Insurance is another area where we realize big savings. How many jobs do you ever hear of where there’s a payoff? Insurance is nothing but money down the drain. If something does go wrong, you can always sue us. What more protection do you need than that? I’ll let you in on another inside secret. We cleverly save you money by not paying all of our bills. Our company has accounts at about a dozen supply houses around town, and we never pay for material unless we absolutely have to. Most wholesalers will carry us for sixty or ninety days before they start nagging me about payment. Then I can usually string them along for another few months with promises or token payments. If one supplier cuts us off, I simply take my business to the others and go through the same routine. It’s a game that real sharp contractors like myself have refined to an art form. You ought to be proud to have you job done by an artist? Something else that separates us from the pack is that we’re not a bunch of namby- pambies hung up on safely concerns. Accidents will happen so why bother trying to prevent them? Some contractors worry more about their trades people getting hurt than they do about getting the job done fast. Believe me--hard hats, eye shields, and work gloves only slow people down. So we don’t supply those things to our workers. Here’s where we gain another advantage by hiring a bunch of people who don’t speak English. They can’t read warning signs that might make them too cautious. This saves you money. Also, I’m sure you noticed that when you called me, you reached an answering machine, not some secretary costing over $10,000 a year. Sorry that it took me so long to get back to you, but that’s the price you pay for saving money. You may have also noticed that our trucks are run-down, our tools worn out, and this letter is being written on a 1950’s vintage manual typewriter. Our philosophy is to make do with whatever is already paid for, no matter how old. That’s another reason we can charge you so much less. Nor do we waste money on association dues and educational seminars like some of our high-fluting competitors. Believe me, I’ve been in this business for more than 20 years and I learned everything anyone needs to know in my first two years of apprenticeship. If it was good enough for my daddy and granddaddy, it’s good enough for you. By the way, did I mention that we guarantee our work? Just make sure you catch what’s wrong before the job is done, because at the prices we charge, we can’t afford any callbacks. Thank you once again for letting us do your work. We are happy to be the low bidder. I’m sure you’ll get your money’s worth. Sincerely, The Low Baller :)

Hello Tim, Here is one other thing you may want to check. I have the same problem with my burner on a Hydrotec machine. I discovered that the burner fan flew apart inside the housing which would not allow the fan to spin. I also have a melted switch and a non functioning generator that is full of corrosion. I am not sure which happened first since I rarely use heat or electric. Anyone want to buy a very used power washer? Good Luck, Jesse R. Kirchhoff Kirchhoff Handyman Solutions LLC “Making Your Life A Lot Less Complicated” www.midmohandyman.com Advanced Power Washing and Restoration Solutions LLC Professional Products ~ Professional Service ~ Professional Results www.advancedpw.com

That sounds a lot better than a "Temperary Laborer" Thanks

A friend that I graduated with works at the family owned temp agency named C&S Business Services. She gave me the lowdown on how temps work and why people use them. $15.20 is my total out of pocket expense per hour. I was very specific on the type of person I was looking for and told them there was no rush on finding someone. They will call when they find the type of worker I am looking for and said quite a few teachers will be laid off this summer. Until then I will use their second best workers 1 or 2 days a week. Best of luck Jesse R. Kirchhoff Advanced Power Washing and Restoration Services LLC www.advancedpw.com Kirchhoff Handyman Solutions LLC “Making Your Life A Lot Less Complicated” www.midmohandyman.com

I finally broke down and went to the temporary agency this week. For $15.20 I can get a $10 man with a background check and drug test. All taxes and workman’s comp are also paid. Best of luck Jesse R. Kirchhoff Kirchhoff Handyman Solutions LLC “Making Your Life A Lot Less Complicated” www.midmohandyman.com Advanced Power Washing and Restoration Services LLC www.advancedpw.com

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights". Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no ark. "Noah"! , He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go! When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark." Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You're not going to destroy the world?” "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

The Rest of the Story Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane......." At this point Mommy cut him off and ,"Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell hi! s story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army." Moral : Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

"Xander Redfern" <xredfern@foxfowle.com> 04/05/2005 08:24 AM To "Xander Redfern" <xredfern@foxfowle.com> cc Subject FW: Letter sent by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is , but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter. SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions. Sincerely, David L. Price District Representative Land and Water Management Division __________________________________________________ ____________ ** This is the actual response sent back: ** Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County. Dear Mr. Price, Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994 being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter... they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then. In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!) Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office. — Thank You, Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers

In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State. (These actually should be the rules in all states.) That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lincoln Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way! The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.Yeah, we saw that Bambi movie, too. We got over it. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for: bait. Pull your pants up! You look like an idiot. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Tea -- yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and it's sweet. You want it hot? Set it in the sun. You want it unsweetened? Add a lot of water. You have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed.We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat--yeah, even breakfast. We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays, and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors. We don't do "hurry up" well. Greens -- yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a smoked hog jowl. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available down at the bait shop. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 75 goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream of wheat -- go to Kansas. That would be I-40 West. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day. So every person in every pickup truck waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept? Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators --and, if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot --his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

I recieved an estimate request today from Dunn Loring, VA If anyone would like to look at it shoot me an e-mail and I will send you the name, adress, e-mail and phone number. Thanks Jesse E-mail jessekirchhoff@earthlink.net

I may also have a lead for a cedar home restoration in Denver Colorado. Aparently the painters he has talked to know nothing about proper prepwork to remove taninin. I sent him information on Russ's cleaners and sealers....but I get the feeling he would rather have a pro do it. He is a remodeling contractor and very active on the "contractor forums" so it could very well work into some more good leads. Thanks, Jesse R. Kirchhoff Jefferson City, MO 573-634-8882 Lake of the Ozarks, MO 573-964-2311 Toll Free 877-635-2708 www.advancedpw.com www.midmohandyman.com

Hello Howard, You were correct in the way I mixed my own colors. It was a special circumstance and I probably should not have mentioned it yet until Russ had it all worked out. I really think you will like this new system for all of the reasons stated above. Thanks, Jesse R. Kirchhoff Jefferson City, MO 573-634-8882 Lake of the Ozarks, MO 573-964-2311 Toll Free 877-635-2708 www.advancedpw.com www.midmohandyman.com

Our most popular color by far is Warm Honey Gold. Once in a while older women will want the Western Red Cedar instead. I love the look of old mohagany trim in the historical homes. I would like to see how that color would look on a large deck. It is nice to by the Wood Tux Crystal in a 50 gallon drum then add the colored pigment as needed for each project. Jesse R. Kirchhoff Jefferson City, MO 573-634-8882 Lake of the Ozarks, MO 573-964-2311 Toll Free 877-635-2708 www.advancedpw.com www.midmohandyman.com

:) I stole this from another Forum that Stole it from somewhere else...... How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb. 1 to post that the light bulb has been changed. 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 53 to flame the spell checkers. 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive. 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp". 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct. 156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy". 109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum. 203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped. 111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum. 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty. 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs. 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs. 27 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group. 33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too". 12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy. 19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three". 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 44 to ask what is a "FAQ"? 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 143 to say "do a search on 'light bulbs' before posting questions about light bulbs". 1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and to start it all over again.

Wood Tux is best applied to wood with a surface temperature above 40 degrees Jesse R. Kirchhoff Kirchhoff Handyman Solutions LLC www.midmohandyman.com Advanced Power Washing and Restoration Services LLC www.advancedpw.com 114 Forest Hill Ave. Jefferson City, Mo 65109 Local 573-634-8882 Toll Free 1-866-635-2708 E-Mail jessekirchhoff@mchsi.com

> A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to > the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially > embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall > asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, he > leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother > you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second > blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for > tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!!" > he exclaims. "Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!" After a > moment of silence, he farted.

I tried charging $25 for estimates outside of city limits last year when I had a backlog of work....if they accepted the job then I would wave the fee. Not one person would pay it and most became offended that I would even suggest such a thing.One time (to a particularly nasty caller) I asked if she worked for free......... then why should I spend an hour of my limited time, plus gas and vehicle expenses, on every "potential" customer who wants to find the absolute cheapest price, then haggle over that? She said that she would just call my competition then and hung up the phone. Now I do all free estimates .......but use much larger and better advertising to weed out the price shoppers (I am not Wall-Mart) and I also tell people up front that there is a $250 minimum for power washing and $500 minimum on deck restorations no matter how small they say the job is. This has made my closing ratio on jobs actually looked at almost 100% on house washing and about 60% on decks. Jesse R. Kirchhoff Kirchhoff Handyman Solutions LLC www.midmohandyman.com Advanced Power Washing and Restoration Services LLC ww.advancedpw.com 114 Forest Hill Ave. Jefferson City, Mo 65109 Local 573-634-8882 Toll Free 1-866-635-2708 E-Mail jessekirchhoff@mchsi.com

we travel up to 60 miles average

I like the idea of leaving the tank on the trailer.

Big Boots A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." "Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit. Jesse R. Kirchhoff Kirchhoff Handyman Solutions LLC www.midmohandyman.com Advanced Power Washing and Restoration Services LLC www.advancedpw.com 114 Forest Hill Ave. Jefferson City, Mo 65109 Local 573-634-8882 Toll Free 1-866-635-2708 E-Mail jessekirchhoff@mchsi.com

HOW'S ABOUT A TETANUS SHOT? This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat. His wife says, "Where are you going?" He says, "I'm going to the doctor." She says, "Are you sick?" He says, "No, I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills." So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on her coat. He says, "Where are you going?" She says, "I'm going to the doctor too." He says, "Why?" She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

I agree with Dave and Ryan and have tried using one before on commercial lots to get in-between cars at apartment buildings and found the blade is much to small to move the snow far and there is not enough weight to do any good. I guess for short runs of sidewalk and very small driveways you could do ok if your not in any hurry. (I see a lot of Homeowners and teenagers doing this) I use a combination of snow blower, truck/plow, and sometimes the Bob Cat which is very hard and dangerous to pull. I would recommend trying out a 4 wheeler with plow before you buy anything. I also thought it would be the answer to getting more work done fast until I used one in an emergency......it sucked.

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four." "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house." ______________________________________________________________________________ A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew came in and began building a house on the empty lot. The family's 5-year-old daughter became interested in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually, the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they took coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, the men presented her with a pay envelope which contained $2.00. The little girl took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration, and suggested that they take the money she received to the bank to start a savings account. When they talked to the bank teller, she was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had earned her very own pay check at such a young age. The child proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us." "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?" The little girl replied, "I will if those ***holes at Home Depot ever deliver the f***n' sheet rock..." ______________________________________________________________________________ One spring day little Johney was running around the house getting under moms feet when she finally had enough and told him to go across the street where a house was being built and see if he could learn something about carpentry. Ok Mom he said and off he went. Later that night at the dinner table Johnneys Dad asked if he learned anything from the carpenters that day. "Sure did Dad" he replied. And what was that Son? I learned how to set a door. Really Son, how . Well first you gotta cram the S.O.B. into a hole thats too F*****g small so you gotta take the c**k s****r back out again and shave a c**t hair off one side and do it again. Johnney!! I will not stand for that language in my home!!! Now you march yourself right outside and get me a switch!!! To which Johnney proudly replied. "Screw you Dad thats the f*****g electricians job! Jesse R. Kirchhoff Kirchhoff Handyman Solutions LLC www.midmohandyman.com Advanced Power Washing and Restoration Services LLC www.advancedpw.com 114 Forest Hill Ave. Jefferson City, Mo 65109 Local 573-634-8882 Toll Free 1-866-635-2708 E-Mail jessekirchhoff@mchsi.com

I swear to God I would have kept on going and they would have to arrest me in the shower. I thought my skin was peeling away (it did not tho). It soaked in my jeans and moved all the way up to the forbidden zone and burned more with each passing moment. It may not burn your hands but it will sure burn other things. I am happy to say that after 20 minutes of rinsing in cold water everything is safe and working fine.