The Rob

Temperature here was 2 with windchill -10, it has now warmed up to 12 and windchill is 0.

We had our derby 2 weeks ago. The design of the cars did not seem to make much difference in the outcome of the race. My son had an extended cab pickup that we ran down backwards on the track. He took 1st place with the truck. I did take the axles and put them in a drill, and then used super fine sandpaper polished the axles. There is a little axle like deal that you can buy to put the wheels in and polish them also, which is a good idea. Remember that according to official rules the car can weigh no more than 5 ozs. The scout shop has flat weights you can buy that screw on, and then all you have to do is break little sections off to make it weigh right. To fine tune the weight, we use little screws to finish it. I think that you have to use the slots in the block of wood, but you are allowed to true them up with a saw. I made one for myself that looked like a bathtub and put it in the open race. It done decent, but did not win. Just remember to have fun with your son, that is what it is all about!

I want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're too young to work. You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. Then you become a baby, and then... You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then... You finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case

Old Rooster... A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old timer, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these hens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters go running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Damn.....third gay rooster I bought this month." Moral of this story? 1) You don't get old being a fool! 2) Age, skill, and treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance! 3) Don't mess with us OLD TIMERS !

This is pretty funny, but sad that it is so close to the truth! TEACHER ARRESTED AT AIRPORT NEW YORK-- A public school teacher was arrested today at JohnF.KennedyInternationalAirportas he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, .go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$60,000" MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000" MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer 900,000." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!" MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

I will try it again. Supremacist Soliciting Katrina Donations Online Sept. 8, 2005 A Missouri judge ordered several Web sites shuttered, after the state's Attorney General charged they were being run illegally and would only channel funds to white hurricane victims. By Gregg Keizer TechWeb News A judge in Missouri ordered several Web sites shuttered Wednesday after the state's Attorney General accused a St. Louis man -- an alleged racist and anti-Semite -- of illegally soliciting donations for Katrina relief efforts. It was the first known case of an official crackdown on Web scams taking advantage of the disaster in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama. Early Wednesday, Attorney General Jay Nixon filed an injunction asking the court to shut down 10 sites, all which fed to a central hub at internetdonations.org, that were asking for donations to Katrina relief. Nixon also asked that all funds collected be returned. "Among other things, the sites were concealing the fact that none were registered as a charitable organization," said Jim Gardner, a spokesman for Attorney General Nixon. Nixon's lawsuit also claimed that the man behind internetdonations.org -- who had recently registered several sites, among them katrinafamilies.com, kartrinafund.name, donate-kartrina.com, and katrina-donations.com -- "support white supremacy and that the money raised from the consumers will be only for use to help white victims of the hurricane." "This is a horrendous use of the victims of Hurricane Katrina to the benefit of a hate group," Nixon said at a news conference. He added that Weltner is associated with the National Alliance, which his office described as "listed by the Southern Poverty Law Center as one of the nation's most active neo-Nazi hate groups." The National Alliance Web site currently features a large ad-style link on its home page that reads "Katrina: The Aftermath / Help White Victims." Weltner also operates jewwatch.com, an anti-Semitic site that was in the news last year when Google listed it as the top-ranked hit on searches using the word "jew." The site is now ranked No. 2, behind an entry in Wikpedia. "This was political motivated," said Weltner, contacted at his home in St. Louis. "They just want to stomp on people based on their political views. This whole thing is a misunderstanding. Every penny was going to tax-exempt charities like the Red Cross and the Salvation Army." Weltner denied any connection with the National Alliance, and said he was not a racist or anti-Semite. "I'm a racial egalitarian. Jewwatch.com is absolutely not an anti-Semitic site. It's actually a library of information about the history of Jews that's been hidden from people," Weltner said. "It's a clipping library, I'm a librarian." Jewwatch.com's front page features a photo of Lenin posed facing a photo of Michael Chertoff, the head of the Department of Homeland Security, and collects links under such subject headings as "Jewish Controlled Press" and "Jewish Zionist-Soviet Anti-American Spies." "The Bolsheviks were basically Russian Jews in exile living in New York," claimed Weltner during the interview. The donation-collecting sites, as well as the internetdonations.org hub, are now offline. On Wednesday afternoon St. Louis Circuit Judge Julian Bush issued a temporary restraining order requiring Weltner to stop seeking contributions. Weltner wasn't even sure who took down his sites. "I didn't take them down. Someone else may have done it." "I may contest some of [the lawsuit]," said Weltner, "but I don't intend to do battle with the state of Missouri. I could have stood on the corner with a cup and collected money and there wouldn't have been any problem, but now I've been slandered and accused of collecting money for racist groups." As far as he knew, Weltner said, he had not managed to collect any monies before the sites were shut down. "But if I had, I've said I would have written a check to the Attorney General. "I just tried to help people," he said.

Via the Stone Files: Here are 6 reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew better. SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter. FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my sev! en-month-old daughter, and she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! LAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she s peaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any... a true story... We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP 1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having *** in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4.. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. 6. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up." 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." 10. You're the one calling the police because those F@CKING kids next door won't turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling *** jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You take naps. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. 19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff." 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. 22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. 25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh Sh!t what the hell happened?" Bonus: 26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

Here is an article on a donations web site for katrina. I tried posting the article but the BBS wouldn't let me. Robert http://informationweek.com/story/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=170701595

I always get half down if the job is going to take more than a day or over $400. I figure that I work on trust. I trust them to pay me the second half of the money, and they trust me to do the job. Usually the first half down only covers materials anyways. I have been doing contracting work for the last nine years, and I have never had anyone have a problem with half down. So I would suggest for jobs over a certain amount (pick a number) get half down. Just my .02

These are hilarious, but I could see my youngest son doing the Taco Bell episode to us! Via the Stone Files: Here are 6 reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew better. SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter. FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my sev! en-month-old daughter, and she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! LAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she s peaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any... a true story... We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

These people are scary! Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. `````````````````````````````````` "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey ```````````` "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. ````````````````````````````````````````````````` "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. ````````````````````````````````````````````` "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. ````````````````````````````` "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents. ```````````````````````````````````````````````````` "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas. ```````````````````````````` "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark `````````````````````````````````` "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !) ``````````````````` "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle `````````` "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca ``````````` "The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst. ```````````````````````````````````````````` "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor. ````````````````````````````````` "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President `````````````````` "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP ( he's smart) ```````````````` "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery `````````````````````` "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina ```````````````````````````````````````````` "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

What we have to look forward to when we get old! An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars. Andy said, "We've got to give it back." Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the door.. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No." Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning." , Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . " The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."

Funny, but has alot of truth to it I thought! An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" (hang on, this is really good......) The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."