Big Boots

[Jesse 15]

Big Boots

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.

He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."

"Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.

Jesse R. Kirchhoff

Kirchhoff Handyman Solutions LLC www.midmohandyman.com

Advanced Power Washing and Restoration Services LLC www.advancedpw.com

114 Forest Hill Ave. Jefferson City, Mo 65109

Local 573-634-8882 Toll Free 1-866-635-2708

E-Mail jessekirchhoff@mchsi.com

[EmpirePW 14]

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She

was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew

very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper

for a ranch hand.

Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She

thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided

to

hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house

than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every

day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked together, and the ranch was doing

very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You

have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into

town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into

town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no

hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he

found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine,

waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my stockings."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra."

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the

floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties."

By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town

again, I'll fire you on the spot."

[Jesse 15]

HOW'S ABOUT A TETANUS SHOT?

This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.

His wife says, "Where are you going?"

He says, "I'm going to the doctor."

She says, "Are you sick?"

He says, "No, I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."

So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on her coat.

He says, "Where are you going?"

She says, "I'm going to the doctor too."

He says, "Why?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm

going to get a tetanus shot."