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JEAPAINT

If you're over 30

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Got this in an e-mail this morning.

Enjoy,

Doug

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious

diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what

with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both

ways

through year round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their

backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a Straight-A

average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile

mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their

family from starving to death! And I remember promising myself that

when

I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap

like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But....

Now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look

around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean,

compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say

it but you kids today don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when

I

was a kid we didn't have the Internet. When we wanted to know

something,

we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter. With

an

actual pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put

it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! There

were

no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the

damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around

all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the

beginning and messed it all up!

You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You

had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the

7-11! Those were your options.

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone

and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have

fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who

it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug

dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your

chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony PlayStation videogames, either, with

high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600!

With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics

sucked! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination!

And there were no multiple levels or screens; it was just one screen

forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder

and

faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium

seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in

front

of you and you couldn't see you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20

channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had

to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You

were

screwed when it came to channel surfing you had to get off your ass

and

walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon

Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning... D'ya hear

what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little

bastards!

We didn't have microwaves; if we wanted to heat something up we had to

use the stove imagine that! If we wanted popcorn we had to use that

stupid jiffy pop and shake it over the stove like an idiot forever.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too

easy. You're spoiled, you guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back

in

1980!

Damn! I feel old!!!!!

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Not even VCR's. I remember as a kid, one of the toughest decisions I had to make was whether to go see the Harlem Globtrotters (Meadowlark Lemon days) or watch the premier of The Six Million Dollar Man. I agonized over it! I chose the Globetrotters and didn't see that series premier for well over a year. My wife and I like to freak out our two teenage daughters by making sound effects from that show. Did you ever notice that on every episode Steve Austin had to block a falling steel beam with his bionic fore arm? Now that was quality TV!

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