Howard

THE FIRST AFFAIR A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild ***, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house? "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary, and we've been having *** all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8:00 p.m." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!' THE SECOND AFFAIR There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!" THE THIRD AFFAIR A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwartz is dead!" THE FOURTH AFFAIR A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "ONE CENT?" exclaimed the man. The barman replied, "Yes." So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas and a fried egg?" "Certainly, Sir" replies the barman, "but that comes to real money." "How much money?", inquires the man. "Four cents", he replied. "FOUR CENTS?!!" exclaims the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replies, "The same thing I'm doing to his business!" THE FIFTH AFFAIR Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "Becky, my darling," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have something that I must confess." "There isn't anything to confess", replied the weeping Becky, "everything's all right, go to sleep." "No, no, I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know", whispered Becky. "That's why I poisoned you.

Scott I used that clear 3/8 hose and had to replace it. The hose kept being sucked flat so I just bought 30 ft of the fiberglass hose. I like your set up, mind if I copy it? Howard

I have the x-jet and wouldn't give it up for nothing. It is really a time saver washing houses.

If its not burnt and you didn't cook alot of turkeys then you can strain it and reuse it. I just bought a big funnel at Lowes the kind you use to fill tractors and such. It has a screen in the neck, I pour it back in the container it came from its clean and I keep it for the next time I need it.

Dale would like to get a copy as well if you don't mind email hbraden1@excite.com

Without looking its hard to say but I'll take a stab at it. You didn't say if it had anything on it now, but living in southern MD myself I'd say no it dosen't So here goes. Clean/Brighten - .10 Labor - .16 Stain/Seal - .14 Company - .25 $22,100 and that would be rock bottom. Also I'd try to steer them toward Wood Tux not because this is Beth's board but because I started using it last season and it is really a good product easy to use and contractor frendly if ya know what I mean. Hope this helps Howard

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I use my surface cleaner on decks, set my pressure at between 1000 and 2000 psi, that way when it gets to the tips (2) at the cleaners I'm running between 500 and 1000 psi at each tip. works like a charm and dosen't leave any marks on the wood at all. Howard

Can't vote since we're having one fried and one baked this year. But I'm I'd vote all the above I've done em all at one time or the other. Hard to chose which is best, they all have pluses

We're gonna have both this Thanksgiving. The wife is gonna bake one, stuffed with her famous sausage and oyster dressing, and the son-in-law is gonna fry one. darn....gettin hungry already...Happy Thanksgiving to all.......Jon cooked my last pig in Oct for the Fleet Reserve Association. Was great....Last one until next year

I have a lead for a Job in Chesapeake MD second level deck, and fence email me for paticulars.

Rob Just to clear the air I'm confused, my post for Mike at Extreme, I agree with you that 1 hour isn't long enough to properly clean a house. If you understood that I clean one in 1 hour then I Don't. Like I said I take 2.5 hours from arrival to departure. set up and tear down is usually 15 minutes both ways for a total of 1/2 hour. that leaves 2 hours for a 1200 sq ft home 3 hours for a 3000 sq foot home. I also clean the gutters as part of my total cost usually with a brush and allbrite, then rinse off. I don't charge extra for the gutters because the market won't allow for it here. :cool:

I started using the X-jet last year and haven't used anything else, was using the down streamer off the washer 5 GPM 3500 psi and never got anything close to 5-1. With the x-jet I use it straight no proportioners I get roughly 1-1. Mike you say 1 hr to wash a house no matter the size? would love to get that fast and still clean the house. My average time, from driving into the driveway to leaving with the check is 2.5 for a 1200 sq ft rambler to 3.5 for a 3000 sq foot colonial. I use 1.5 Gal Chlorine, splash of Jomax and cascade dish soap. then allbrite for the gutters.

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father. " The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? " She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...' =================================================== Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little s**t, O'Conner," says Sean. "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight." ================================================== Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died. "Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy? Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "His name is Miles, from Dublin." =============================================== An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf." =============================================== Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee

An elderly couple made a deal that whoever died first would find a way to inform the other of the afterlife, their biggest fear being that there really was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go and, true to his word, a few weeks later as his wife sat watching TV, she heard a ghostly voice calling, "Maude ... Maude ... " "Is that you, John?" she asked as she looked in vain around the room, and The voice responded, "Yes Maude, I've come back just like we agreed." "What's it like, John?" Maude asked, and John said, "Well, I get up in the Morning and I have ***. Then I have a little breakfast, and after that more ***. I bathe in the sun for a while and then I have *** twice. I have lunch, Then I have *** off and on all afternoon. After dinner, I have *** until Late at night .... And the next day it starts all over again." "Well John," Maude said, "I guess you must be in heaven!" "Not exactly," John said .. "I'm a rabbit somewhere in Idaho." :cool:

Now thats a question I am interested in as well. How about it Beth, Russ can we do that and still get the same results? Also any luck with the deck in a day test with wood tux?

Same vote here 1 and 5, also for the same reasons as Morgan. No rain Yesterday or Today Sunday....YAAHOOO!!!

Yeah I've got a can in the truck just haven't had a chance to paint it yet.. Tired of the rain?? Ever see the movie "Water World"? Good thing I bought a boat this spring, probably need to start gathering the animals two by two soon... It didn't rain up there yesterday? It did down here most of the day. Then last night started again with a hard rain about 11:30. I'm starting to grow webs between my toes. (course it could be moss not sure):D

Yes I agree, haven't seen that yet on gutters or down spouts. sure did see it on the flashing......quit right away but was too late for that small area...good thing it was my house...

Here goes I use SunBrites cleaner called "Al-brite" to clean gutters. If the gutters are low enough such as above a deck or such I spray straight out of my pump-up. If I can't reach them I spray the solution straight on my brush (soft auto wash brush) on a 24 ft extension. Pre wet the gutters, brush on the al-brite let it dwell for just a bit, less than a minute. Then x-jet or rinse off. Sometimes I have missed areas and have to re-brush. I have a full face sheild for those high areas where I'm looking straight up. I have yet to find a gutter so bad (not saying it isn't out there lurking) that I can't get it clean. By clean I mean the gutters look brand new. I had a customer who I described in an earlier post had a gutter installer come over to fix some leaks and adjust the gutter. Asked my customer if he had installed new gutters they looked so clean. So there it is, Al-brite not do not undeluted, in a pump-up straight on the gutter and down spout. I will caution everyone, (I've learned from experience) do not put Al-brite on the aluminum facia or gable ends, it will remove the paint. Didn't remove it completely but you could tell it took some off. Fortunately it was on my house where I learned this so all I have to do is listen to the Boss complain about how it looks. But then she says but the gutters are clean so....... Kinda long post but I hope this helps everyone. Now if I could get $350 to wash gutters after charging $250 for the house...............thats another story.....:D :cool:

Good thing I live in the country, all the flakes are in the city.......:D Woman walks in the a drug store asks the Pharmacist if he has arsenic the Pharmacist says he does. Woman says she needs to buy a bottle, Pharmacist as what for she says she wants to kill her husband. Pharmacist says thats against the law and I cannot be a part of it. The woman pulls out a picture of her Husband and the Pharmacist wife in bed together. Pharmacist says..... I'm sorry Ma'am I didn't realize you had a Prescription.

A Husband Shopping Center has opened where a woman can go to choose > >a husband from among many men. It is laid out in five floors, and the > >men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. > > > >There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you > >may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you > >cannot go back down, except to exit the building. > >So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the > >first floor the sign on the door says: > > > >Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids. > > > >The woman reads the sign. > > > >"Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I > >wonder what's further up?" > > > >So up she goes. > > > >The second floor sign says: > > > >Floor 2: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are > >extremely good looking. > > > >"Hmmm, better." says the woman. "But, I wonder what's further up?" > > > >The third floor sign reads: > >Floor 3: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good > >looking, and help with the housework. > > > >"Wow," says the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there's must be more > >further up!" > > > >And, again, she goes up. > > > >On the fourth floor the sign reads: > > > >Floor 4: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely > >good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic > >streak. > > > >"Oh, mercy me! But just think...what must be awaiting me further > >on? > > > >So up to the fifth floor she goes. > > > >The sign on that door says: > > > >Floor 5: This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to > >please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day.

I always include the gutters in my price on houses. It used to take quite a bit and they never would get really clean. That is until I found a product that really, I mean really works. I'm not sure what the rules are here plugging products, ( I don't sell it just use it) so if anyone wants to know just email me and I'll pass along the info. Or if Beth says its ok I'll post it here. I cleaned a house and gutters just the other day and the owner even said "Those gutters won't come clean, don't worry about it" after I was done they looked brand new, he was amazed. Didn't take long either. Just let me know and I'll pass info along. Then if you can get 350 to clean gutters and it only takes a few minutes.....well good on ya...... :cool:

Paul, your my hero, when I grow up I wanna be just like you. I feel the same way when I work everyone works, when the job is done then we can drink a cool one. I usually bring a cooler along for the crew after the job is complete. Being retired U. S. Navy I have done some, no... alot.. of "work" at first the enlisted Club then the Chiefs club over a few cold beers. More things have been done and fixed at the "Club" after hours then anyone knows. ahhh for the good ol days. Now where did I put my reading glasses so I can read this MSDS label. Why do they make the printm soooo small??

I have thought about the match although I was leaning more toward Gasoline. It really is a shame that something that hard to remove fails (in most cases) so soon.