Love Story

[One Tough Pressure 580]

Love Story

I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU...

I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU...

I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL YOU MOAN AND GROAN.

I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY... BEG FOR ME TO STOP.

I WILL EXHAUST YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU WILL BE RELIEVED WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU.

AND YOU WILL BE WEAK FOR DAYS.

ALL MY LOVE,

THE FLU

Now get your mind out of the gutter..............

and GO GET YOUR FLU SHOT

[One Tough Pressure 580]

Two bored male casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

[RyanH 14]

Some great love quotes from Lemony Snicket:

To Beatrice-

Darling, dearest, dead.

For Beatrice -

My love for you shall live forever.

You, however, did not.

For Beatrice-

I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.

To Beatrice-

My love flew like a butterfly

Until death swooped down like a bat

As the poet Emma Montana McElroy said;

"That's the end of that."

For Beatrice-

You will always be in my heart,

In my mind,

And in your grave.

For Beatrice-

When we met my life began,

Soon afterward, yours ended.

For Beatrice-

When we were together I felt breathless.

Now you are.

For Beatrice-

Summer without you is as cold as winter.

Winter without you is even colder.

For Beatrice-

Our love broke my heart,

and stopped yours.

For Beatrice-

When we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty.

Now I am pretty lonely.

For Beatrice-

Dead women tell no tales.

Sad men write them down.

I was cracking up reading these in the books "Series of Unfortunate Events" at a bookstore. My wife wondered what was so funny. Who can argue???