This is too funny

[Steve Kiser 14]

Marriage - ( Part I )

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the

wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I

don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on

the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go

hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old

buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules.

Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me - Just understand that

there will be *** here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here

or not!."

(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)

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Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th

wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that

reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that

reads:

"Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

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Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the

breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"

and storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends

and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband

says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother

of six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go

home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He

shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right

back,

"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

*************************************

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving

each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife

to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not

wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on

a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM

and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

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God may have created man before woman,

but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A

LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.