Inner Peace

[One Tough Pressure 580]

Dave Olsen posted this on PWNA. I have to say that it is great. I just had to pass it on here. OTP

Inner Peace..

I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me...and at this time of year we all could use a little...calm!!! By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace....the article read:

"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."

So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished...and before starting my work this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Tia Maria, my Prozac, some valium, and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how darn good I feel...you may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner

Peace...

[Jon 533]

Darn I seem to have misplaced my cyanide tablets!

[One Tough Pressure 580]

Got this in e-mail today, another great one. OTP

> To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.

>

> Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

> After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

>

> "Don't what?" Adam replied.

>

> "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

>

> "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"

>

> "No Way!"

>

> "Yes way!"

>

> "Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

>

> "Why"

>

> "Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

>

> "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

>

> "Uh huh," Adam replied.

>

> "Then why did you?" said the Father.

>

> "I don't know," said Eve.

>

> "She started it!"Adam said

>

> "Did not!"

>

> "Did too!"

>

> "DID NOT!"

>

> Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

>

> BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

>

> If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

>

> THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

>

> 1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

>

> 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

>

> 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

>

> 4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

>

> 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

>

> 6. We child proofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

>

> ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

> Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home

>

>

> AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

>

> ""TAKE TWO ASPIRIN""

> AND

> ""KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN""

>

>