One day, a captain went to the main officers club to eat lunch. When he entered the main dining room, he found the place was quite crowded. He did notice three lieutenants sitting at a table with one empty chair, so he asked them if he could sit there, and they promptly invited him to join them. He ordered his lunch and joined them in conversation as they ate.
At one point, the captain mentioned that he had observed characteristics about officers from which he could determine the sources of their commissioning. The lieutenants were eager to hear about this and asked if he could tell how they had been commissioned.
The captain turned to the lieutenant on his left and said he went through ROTC. The lieutenant confirmed that was correct and asked how the captain had noted this. The captain replied that the lieutenant, through his conversation, seemed to have an strong academic background and limited military experience.
The captain then told the lieutenant on his right that he had gone through OCS with previous enlisted service. The lieutenant confirmed that this was correct and also asked how the captain had determined this. The captain said, again through his conversation, that the lieutenant seemed to have a firm military background and a lot of common sense.
The lieutenant across the table from the captain asked if he had determined his source of commission. The captain replied that the lieutenant had graduated from West Point. The lieutenant stated that was correct and asked if the captain had noticed his high level of intelligence, precise military bearing, or other superior qualities acquired at the United States Military Academy. The captain replied that it was none of these that led to his determination. He had simply noted the lieutenant's class ring while he was picking his nose.
An Retired guy living in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and an American Flag blowing from atop a tall pole. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old Veteran decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old Veteran frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked." Holding the bucket up he smiled and said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war-weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans! You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong b**** out the window.
A Soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky
The Soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Soldier for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
One day, a captain went to the main officers club to eat lunch. When he entered the main dining room, he found the place was quite crowded. He did notice three lieutenants sitting at a table with one empty chair, so he asked them if he could sit there, and they promptly invited him to join them. He ordered his lunch and joined them in conversation as they ate.
At one point, the captain mentioned that he had observed characteristics about officers from which he could determine the sources of their commissioning. The lieutenants were eager to hear about this and asked if he could tell how they had been commissioned.
The captain turned to the lieutenant on his left and said he went through ROTC. The lieutenant confirmed that was correct and asked how the captain had noted this. The captain replied that the lieutenant, through his conversation, seemed to have an strong academic background and limited military experience.
The captain then told the lieutenant on his right that he had gone through OCS with previous enlisted service. The lieutenant confirmed that this was correct and also asked how the captain had determined this. The captain said, again through his conversation, that the lieutenant seemed to have a firm military background and a lot of common sense.
The lieutenant across the table from the captain asked if he had determined his source of commission. The captain replied that the lieutenant had graduated from West Point. The lieutenant stated that was correct and asked if the captain had noticed his high level of intelligence, precise military bearing, or other superior qualities acquired at the United States Military Academy. The captain replied that it was none of these that led to his determination. He had simply noted the lieutenant's class ring while he was picking his nose.
An Retired guy living in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and an American Flag blowing from atop a tall pole. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old Veteran decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old Veteran frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked." Holding the bucket up he smiled and said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war-weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans! You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong b**** out the window.
A Soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky
The Soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Soldier for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care, Ricky
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