Creation Story

[One Tough Pressure 580]

Subject: Creation Story

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated

the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and

red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and

healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream

and Krispy Crème Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add

some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure

that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the

wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from

size 6 to size 14. So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan

presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on

the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil

in which to cook them" And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and

chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained

more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake,"

and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it

"Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose

those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man

would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman

laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming

with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the

starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and

still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its

99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And

Man replied, "Yes!

And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into

cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then

Satan created HMOs.

Thought for the day....... There is more money being spent on breast

implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that

by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky ***** and

huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five

fewer people laughing in the world.

[Russ Johnson 141]

:lol:Funny. So very true, but funny.:lol:

[Jon 533]

I always wondered what church Alan went to, now I know.