One Tough Pressure 580 Report post Posted February 10, 2006 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? 10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? 11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? 12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? 14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things? 15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds? 16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? 17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 20. Why is bra singular and panties plural? 21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? 22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 23. How come abbreviated is such a long word? 24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? 25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one? 27. Christmas oxymoron: What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
0 One Tough Pressure 580 Report post Posted February 10, 2006 Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones , they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease." "And do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?!!" If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will be five fewer people smiling in the world. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
0 PressurePros 249 Report post Posted February 10, 2006 21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when youknow the batteries are dead? Guilty as charged! Funny stuff, Alan. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
0 RyanH 14 Report post Posted February 10, 2006 ...Then there was the time I told that cop that the sign read "SPEED zone ahead"...... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
0 Jeff Robison 14 Report post Posted February 10, 2006 Guilty as charged! Funny stuff, Alan. On a good Saturday of college football with 3 good games on at the same time my wife removed one remote control battery while I was in the bathroom. I was going nuts because it worked fine before, pushing buttons, shaking it, cursing it, looking for batteries (of course we had no AAA's at the house). This went on for about 10 minutes until she told me. This is a good practical joke when something good is on. Jeff Robison Titan Exterior 678-360-2518 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
0 PLD 14 Report post Posted February 11, 2006 Kudo's to your wife. Anyone every take the little hose inside the toilet tank and put it under the lid right behind the sitter's back? When they flush, they get their back soaked!! Gotta be careful to position around the lid, but it's really funny done right. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
0 FullBlast 14 Report post Posted February 11, 2006 Kudo's to your wife. Anyone every take the little hose inside the toilet tank and put it under the lid right behind the sitter's back? When they flush, they get their back soaked!! Gotta be careful to position around the lid, but it's really funny done right. Funny joke!!! I did notice that you tryed it on your sister and not your wife!!!!!!!!!!:idea: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already
there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you
know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas oxymoron: What other time of the year do you sit in front
of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
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