No Tie?

[Jon 533]

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan

desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find

water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at

a small stand selling neckties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They

are only $5.00.

"The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an

overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water

first."

"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a

tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If

you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a

lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom."

Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later, he

staggered back.

"Your brother won't let me in without a tie."

[danster 15]

:lgsideway LOL

[One Tough Pressure 580]

That's hilarious, how about this one.

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get

into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you,

You will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

"Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian.

After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice..

Sincerely,

**** Van ****

[Jon 533]

Roflmao

[Richard 17]

As I awoke this morning, When all sweet things are born,

A Robin perch upon the sill, The sign of coming morn,

The bird was young and cheerful and gay, And so sweetly did it sing,

Chumped into my heart was love and laughter, Tiss spring

The bird sang for quite a while, And stopped for a minutes lull,

So I crept up and pulled the window down and crushed his F---ing scull.