Public Speaking

[Jeff 232]

Does anyone have problems speaking in front of large groups? I DO!!!

IVe been thinking of joining Toastmasters for over a year now and I am joining in March. Toastmasters is a national org. with local chapters, They promote public speaking and will help anyy one who joins that has problems with speaking, Corperations use them, actually anyone can become a member.

I went to a class at a local college years ago that Toastmaster ran it was pretty good class but short only 7 or 8 classes

Its weird I can speak to 3, 4, 5 people but put in front or in the middle of a large group and I have problems. Its weird Im a confident person and usually know what Im talking about, but I start speaking and I can fall apart

I actually start stammering, almost get a light headed feeling, almost tunnel vision and I can start sweating and I just cant get a message out, I have to cut what ever Im saying short because I'll get lost and look like a fool its very noticable to the group i would speak to

I noticed it again about a year ago, I had the chance to speak to dozens of golf pro & maint. managers for several Golf courses locally. I did a job at one course and the CEO said they were having a meeting and I could speak to them all about PWing other courses. I wasnt nervous until about 15 minutes before I was to speak. I got up and I actually felt like my body was humming. I got out about a minute of what I wanted to say and I had to cut it short because the tunnel vision was setting in

It really sucks in school I didnt have this problem I was in plays and spoke a few times in front of students & family no problem. even now at a large party or get togethers I dont have any problems, its just when I have to actualy talk to a crowd and stand up to deliver a speach or response to a question

Well yesterday I had jury duty and I asked to have it put off until a later date in the winter . Well when I got up in front of the judge, lawyers and about 120 people I got nervous could feel my feet get sweaty and didnt really stammer but I felt it coming on

I called the head of the local Toastmasters yesterday and I'll be going to meetings starting in March. It meets once a month and the head of it I explained my problem, They are going to help Yay!!!!

Anyone who has a problem or just would like to improve their public speaking skills may want to check out Toastmasters website

Well wish me luck I need it

Any body else ever have problems public speaking

[RCBill 14]

Hey Jeff, I am in Toastmasters up here in Wilmington. I suspect that each chapter has it's own culture. Mine is pretty good. A 'thing' to watch is your mentor's motivation. People get credit for mentoring. So, some will be assertive in becoming your mentor. This does not mean he or she will be assertive in actually mentoring. You gotta push them. Toastmasters is a working organization. To benefit you will need to put in a few hours a week in homework. If you are not ready for homework, you may not find the organization beneficial.

There are a number of different programs that you can work in once you finish a basic course. The basic course will cure you of the stage fright. You can learn to be humorous, tell stories, do sales presentations, and more.

You will benefit, but you gotta work.

Bill

[Beth n Rod 1,279]

This helped in many ways and was a starting point...

http://www.toastmasters.org/pdfs/top10.pdf

Rod!~

[Scott Stone 604]

I am really kind of strange in how I approach this. I am okay one on one, and I am okay in large groups. Put me in a party, and I just might as well sit in a corner. I don't do well there. It drives my wife nuts, or at least did. After 18 years shew is used to it now. She is the total opposite. SHe can speak anywhere anytime, and people love it. She is a party girl.

Scott Stone

[Jeff 232]

Hey Jeff, I am in Toastmasters up here in Wilmington. I suspect that each chapter has it's own culture. Mine is pretty good. A 'thing' to watch is your mentor's motivation. People get credit for mentoring. So, some will be assertive in becoming your mentor. This does not mean he or she will be assertive in actually mentoring. You gotta push them. Toastmasters is a working organization. To benefit you will need to put in a few hours a week in homework. If you are not ready for homework, you may not find the organization beneficial.

There are a number of different programs that you can work in once you finish a basic course. The basic course will cure you of the stage fright. You can learn to be humorous, tell stories, do sales presentations, and more.

You will benefit, but you gotta work.

Bill

Bill thanks for the heads up on the mentors. I was aware of the homework and look forward to it. I'd love to someday be able to persue public speaking for my business. I dont know how or why I have stage fright I didnt have it as a youth but its horrible since

Rod thanks too

[Jeff 232]

I am really kind of strange in how I approach this. I am okay one on one, and I am okay in large groups. Put me in a party, and I just might as well sit in a corner. I don't do well there. It drives my wife nuts, or at least did. After 18 years shew is used to it now. She is the total opposite. SHe can speak anywhere anytime, and people love it. She is a party girl.

Scott Stone

Scott

Im OK at parties but groups forget it. I have a life long friend who is horrible at parties cant get him to say a word to anybody, we've tried to help him in the past, but nothing helped

Scott you need to drink more at parties LOL

[JFife 14]

One word Jeff-----XANAX!!!!!

Scott S. couldn't have described me any better. I am that exact same way--the mid-sized group phenomenon.

Jeff--I can tell you from firsthand experience those "feelings" you are experiencing are the onset of a panic attack. I take meds for panic attacks, and have for quite a few years now, though I hate the idea of having to take meds for that type of a problem. The difference between what you are feeling now and a panic attack, is with a panic attack you'll DWELL on those feelings, and before long, you might feel like that when playing with your kid, going to McDonalds, washing a driveway, etc. And it is unpleasant enough that you'll begin to FEAR the idea of a panic attack, which just makes it worse. Confronting the issue at the start (which you are diong) is the best med there is.

Being said, I have absolutely no trouble speaking to a large group. I've had experiences of speaking to over 1K people on a handful of occasions, and it bothers me about as much as typing this post. I believe the fear you have is just something that is pre-wired into YOUR brain----and isn't rational. Just like me---I won't climb ladders beyond about 12'. Totally scared of heights. Hate planes. Is that rational??? A steelworker like you says "no", but I can't shake it for the life of me. I know some people that are deathly afraid of needles. I cannot imagine that. My friends wife will faint at the sight of a midget. My old roommate had a sister that was terrified of clowns. We all have fears---good luck challenging yours!!!

[Jeff 232]

One word Jeff-----XANAX!!!!!

Scott S. couldn't have described me any better. I am that exact same way--the mid-sized group phenomenon.

Jeff--I can tell you from firsthand experience those "feelings" you are experiencing are the onset of a panic attack. I take meds for panic attacks, and have for quite a few years now, though I hate the idea of having to take meds for that type of a problem. The difference between what you are feeling now and a panic attack, is with a panic attack you'll DWELL on those feelings, and before long, you might feel like that when playing with your kid, going to McDonalds, washing a driveway, etc. And it is unpleasant enough that you'll begin to FEAR the idea of a panic attack, which just makes it worse. Confronting the issue at the start (which you are diong) is the best med there is.

Being said, I have absolutely no trouble speaking to a large group. I've had experiences of speaking to over 1K people on a handful of occasions, and it bothers me about as much as typing this post. I believe the fear you have is just something that is pre-wired into YOUR brain----and isn't rational. Just like me---I won't climb ladders beyond about 12'. Totally scared of heights. Hate planes. Is that rational??? A steelworker like you says "no", but I can't shake it for the life of me. I know some people that are deathly afraid of needles. I cannot imagine that. My friends wife will faint at the sight of a midget. My old roommate had a sister that was terrified of clowns. We all have fears---good luck challenging yours!!!

I wouldnt laugh at anyones fears. But faint at the sight of a midget, thats a new one

Whether it stage fright or panic attack, luckly its only during publc speaking. I'll either beat it or just wont do public speaking. Hopefully beat it, because I know I could make oppurtunities to speak to groups of businesses that would benifit my business.

I love hearing a good public speaker I envey them. When I was in the union there was many good speaker, but this one man he was great, he get you going slow and work his way up getting the crowd excited & involved about half way through the crowd would be on their feet and his voice would be booming. It was really a sight to see and be apart of. I dont need to be like that but Id love to get my message out loud and clear to people about my business and why they should PW and why JL should be doing the PWing

Midgets ???

JL

[Celeste 341]

Jeff, if you could focus on one person in the back of the room, would that help - What if your wife accompanied you and placed herself somewhere in the room where you could see her the whole time?

My deal is leaving my house - once I'm out, I'm fine, but it nearly takes an act of Congress to get me through the front door. Sometimes you just have to have your security go with you :)

Celeste

[ken wiggins 14]

Jeff, we touched on this a bit last week end. I am a sales manager and a part time musician. I went in front of crowds reluctantly, because it was the only way to get my message across. The main thing to remember is that you know much more about what you are talking about than anyone in the group. Practice your presentation with your wife, or a mirror, driving down the road. Introduce yourself, your cridentials, your experience. Get the crowd involved. Ask what is most important to them. There will be only 3. Quality, time and price. The latter should be dismissed. There is always a cheeper price. Sell them on the other 2. Remember, you know more about what you are talking about than anyone there. Get your introduction down, and the rest is easy. You will actually start to welcome these speaking opportunities before long. You get to present your services in one meeting instead of many meetings. Believe me, after getting the meeting going, hand out some fliers outlining your services, explaning why you are the best choice, you will welcome and enjoy your speaking engagments. Call me any time to help you with this. I may have a lot to learn about the PW biz, but I am a pro at sell:lgkick: ing.

[PLD 14]

Jeff,

Stay at it and force yourself into uncomfortable speaking situations. Public is definitely a learned skill. When I was elected student body prez in college, I wasn't comfortable commanding a room of 12. Less than a year later, I had to address crowds of many hundreds regularly and on one occassion about 8-10,000. It's been 20 years since then, and I'd probably have to work myself back up address a group of 10k.

[Jeff 232]

Hey everybody thanks for the ideas, help & concern

I wish you could see or feel what happens to me in public speaking.

I have a pretty good presentation and selling technique, I know what to say and how to say it and in front of 1, 2, 3, 4 people usually no problems at all and I can sell them on what I'm saying BUT any kind of speaking even the very little I did the day I had to go to Jury duty I get nervous. I want to say its not even nerves. Jury all I had to say is where I lived, what I did for occupation and what my wife does for occupation, Easy enough stuff right? Wrong! I got nervous about a minute or 2 before they were to call me and I got up and got through those simple questions but I did feel the stage fright panic comming on and if I had to speak a little more I would have been screwed.

Celeste mentioned pic one person out in the crowd, Well what happens to me is I actually start feeling weird, stammer and I actually get this weird vision, its like tunnel vision an one person and its like my head is humming and my eye sight gets weird or I''l sweet or get an itchy feeling etc etc etc. Its a real freaky feeling its a PITA

Im not afaid of not knowing what to say , I do, I could practice a script and have it down pat or even have it right in front of me and Id start then Id start losing it and cant finish

Like I said in school teachers used to pick me for speaking, The rest of the class would be doing a skit in a group and I would do a solo act and no problem, well that was in school then I never really needed public speaking and then I found out I just couldnt do it

I wish I could explain it and I will be doing the Toastmaster thing

Thanks everyone

The Future Public Speaking King! NOT:zipit: :bullistic

JL

[John T 744]

Jeff,

Don't take this the wrong way cause I'm only trying to understand your problem and offer idea's and since I'm not a professional when it comes to this stuff my thoughts may be 100% wrong.

Maybe you should see a doctor about this cause there's a possibilty your body/brain went thru a chemical change. I have a friend thats a cop who I grew up with..He did stand up comedy before he was a cop and then when he becomes a cop he stops doing the comedy thing..As years go by he starts to feel different about things and he doesn't know why..kind of like you..Then one day he drops at home and his wife calls the ambulance and he's rushed off to the hospital..it turns out that he is fine and the doctors are clueless why this happened so they send him to a shrink..it turns out that his brain wasn't producing enough seritonum and when that happens alot of phsycological things can happen. They prescribed a drug for him thats a seritonum enhancer. Maybe 6 months to a year later he can now get off the drugs and once again he's doing stand up comedy at promotional/Retirement parties. He also has made boss and he's about to move up again..its an amazing turn around for him..all because of the shortage of seritonum that his brain was producing..

The other thought I have is what Jon Fife said which is maybe your getting panic attacks..which is another reason to seek out a doctor..

Good luck with the toastmasters and I hope you can solve this "Thing" so you can be happy..and if you never do get to where you want to be here..thats ok to because every one of us have our strengths and weeknesses and this is what makes us all....different.

Good Luck

[StainlessDeal 16]

That's the best post I've ever read from you. Very cool!:)

Jeff, you'll get this done. I know you have the moxie to do whatever it takes.

Celeste, I can't imagine you having any "thing" at all. It is good to hear from people that can publicly admit to having a problem of any sort.

My thing is that since an injury a while back, I can't stand asking for help. I mean that I get panicky and a little wigged out, then I'm apt to lose my temper. Makes me feel like a real $h!theel when I get that way around the wife or friends. It is an adjustment that has been coming slowly, but it's still with me. Fortunately I've been praying over it and working on it, and that does help. A little counseling goes a long way, too.

[Jeff 232]

John T, so what you trying to say, Im mental whats up with that! I'm going to have to hurt you now!!! LOL only kidding. Interesting stuff.

Like Jon said Xanax might take the edge off:lgbugeyes

I really think its some form of stage fright maybe a little panic type thing, its just a trip what happens when it happens. When I did the 6 class Toastmasters thing years ago, buy the 6th class I was feeling alot better about speaking in front of the class , it helped. So thats why I think T Masters will help. It might be just a little confidence thing and hopefully coaching will help

If not a couple Xanax & a few beers and watch out Tony Robins ( you know that motivational speaker guy, the tall ugly guy on late night infomerrcials). and if I cant do the public speaking with the Xaxan & Buds I wont care:lgbounces :cheers:

I think with proper coaching I'll shake this thing, it just bugs me now not to be able to do something I want to do

Thanks

Jeff

[Beth n Rod 1,279]

I grew up a tomboy. Rode my bike, skinned my knees, played with mud and rocks and climbed every tree in the neighborhood up to the tip top. I was never afraid to fly. Then I had kids... flying makes me nervous. I'm fine with trees, but hate ladders (trees have roots - ladders do not). Fears I never used to have, are there...

I too am much better in a mid-sized group than a large group. I have spoken to large groups, but my heart beats real fast... normally it hits me after I am done.

We all have something to deal with. Overcoming these things can be really personally rewarding if you keep a positive outlook.

Beth

[Jeff 232]

I grew up a tomboy. Rode my bike, skinned my knees, played with mud and rocks and climbed every tree in the neighborhood up to the tip top. I was never afraid to fly. Then I had kids... flying makes me nervous. I'm fine with trees, but hate ladders (trees have roots - ladders do not). Fears I never used to have, are there...

I too am much better in a mid-sized group than a large group. I have spoken to large groups, but my heart beats real fast... normally it hits me after I am done.

We all have something to deal with. Overcoming these things can be really personally rewarding if you keep a positive outlook.

Beth

You sure dont look like a tomboy in that avatar picture, hubba hubba. Dont shoot me Rod lol. Just being Jeff.:lgsideway

Thanks deal with it I will do or I just wont talk to groups no biggie

Thanks

JL

[Beth n Rod 1,279]

Thank you Jeff. :)

I would try Toastmasters. It's something you can overcome and that can have a very positive effect on you personally and professionally as a result.

You can do it! :)

Beth

[PressurePros 249]

Some days I feel so confident I can address a room of a 300 CEO's and never miss a beat. Some days I get in front of a group of five guys that are listening to me expectantly and my mind wanders off and I feel like a tongue tied idiot. Daily meditation ('meditation' not 'medication') helps. I also find that preparation, knowing your "spiel" and working on self confidence through daily affirmation works well when having to speak publicly.

I think everyone goes through phases of feeling insecurity. Like John mentioned above, it can also be from a chemical imbalance. In my early twenties when I was given a position of authority over guys twice my age I became a nervous wreck. I went on one of the SSRI's and it helped a bit. I'm not a big fan of meds because you get addicted to them..expecially the benzodiazepenes. The body is a system of checks and balances. If you are artificially supplementing a neurotransmitter the brain thinks it doesn't need to produce that chemical anymore and that makes it hard to get off of them.

If this helps, every person I have ever admired that I witnessed public speaking I went up to. Every one of them told me there isn't a single time they don't get the public speaking jitters. That made me feel better. All said and done, i will take a one on one conversation over speaking to multiple people any day of the week.

[JFife 14]

Very good point regarding preparation. That WILL make you nervous, if you don't know what the heck you are doing. People are funny---Ken said all the great speakers get nervous---I've had the opportunity for various reasons to spend significant time with some exceptional gospel ministers---guys that make the big $$ traveling around, etc. The guys that can have you hanging on every word. You know what I've found about 50-75% of them have in common???? They are terrible, I mean terrible, one-on-one communicators. So bad, I actually confronted a couple of them on it. I said, "you are such a dynamic, humorous, intelligent speaker, but you seem to just be miserable and painfully shy and uncomfortable chatting with me. Am I correct on this??"

They all said I was dead-on, the were shy, hated intimate conversation, literally painful to speak with.

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.

Jeff--one thing I'd LOVE to be able to experiment with you on is this: Speaking is about challenging a fear, right?? What if you challenged the fear in this way:

You go up to a lecturn to start your speech and say:

"Can I get a show of hands for the folks that HATE and are TERRIFIED of public speaking?? Good! I promise you, I feel that exact same way up here. Can you hear my voice quiver?? Man, my legs feel like noodles!!! I HONESTLY feel like I could pass out at any moment! Have any of you ever experienced this??!!?? (crowd smiles and acknowledges)

"So don't feel uncomfortable for me if I stop and take a big deep breath, or lose my focus. I feel like a wreck!! (kinda laugh). But I'm gonna try and fight through it, because I feel like I've got some really beneficial things to say that are gonna real help you guys as the Property Managers Assocation. This wouldn't be my ideal venue in which to propose this (laugh), but I'm gonna suck it up and go for it. So please don't laugh the first time I faint---the second time you can (laugh), but give me one freebie."

Then continue with your talk. If you started feeling nervous, I'd stop and take a huge breath, kinda chuckle, and keep going. You are essentially challenging the fear of embarrassement. You've told them all the things you think you might do---and they expect it. You've laughed about it and made it a "light" subject now--everyone is at ease. You see, if you stumbled and choked your way through a presentation and everyone feels sorry for you, you've set a very bad tone for gaining their trust. As uncomfortable as you feel---everyone of them feel equally as bad, and will be heading for the doors so they don't have to speak/console with you afterwards, and tell you it is okay, blah blah blah. And that would make you feel subordinate, and the whole cycle would continue. Disarm everyone and you come out smelling like a rose--a funny rose that experiences real human emotion just like each of them--and before long you won't need to preface your speeches with such remarks.

Give it a try and let me know if it works, LOL:)

[RyanH 14]

As counterintuitive as it may sound, try speaking to a mirror. Keep eye contact with yourself and say what you have to say. A large part of the public speaking "jitters" comes from translating your information from thought to speech. It's different when you are engaged in a conversation....you have time to arrange things. But when you give a speech from beginning to end it becomes more difficult to pace yourself because you have nothing against which to gauge yourself

[RCBill 14]

Jeff,

Don't make too much of your nervousness. If you have not been speaking in front of people for a while you will be nervous. It's just like scrambling around on a roof. After a little exposure you get your 'legs' back.

Bill