Common Customer One Liners

[CCPC 26]

Don't you hate when people want to critique your work before you finish the job? I don't know how many times I'll be in the middle of cleaning a driveway and after the pressure cleaning portion and before the chemical application I here from behind me: "I guess you could'nt get those stains up, huh". Of course I'm thinking: Did you see me knocking on the door and presenting you with an recipt, then please, by all means, let me finish before you critique my work.

Or the famous: "These windows are double paned, I don't think your supposed to use any pressure on them"... "Really, would you, "The Proffesional", who does this everyday, like to show me how it's done?"

"Your not going to kill my plants are you?" ..."Yes ma'am, only a few though, but your house is going to look great!".

"I have a pressure washer, but lately I just hav'nt had the time"... This one is usually the man of the house just trying save a little face because he feels a little guilty for not doing it himself.

Feel free to join in. This is by no means an attempt to bash customers, but simply a fun way to share some common one liners.

[squirtgun 122]

"How can I be sure you won't damage anything?" ......You can be it's just a gamble you'll have to take.

"I think $50 is fair for a housewash." ......You are only willing to pay $50 to help maintain the largest investment you have made in your life?

"The guy that did it last time only charged $75."...............Why didn't you call him back?Oh yeah because he's not in business anymore.

"Pressure washing doesn't look that hard,all you do is spray water."...........Don't forget dealing with customers,doing bids,mixing chemicals,pulling hoses,machine maint.,ordering supplies etc.Yep,it's real easy work want to help us out for a day?

I love what I do.If it weren't for these type customers I wouldnt have anyone to laugh at......lol.

[Aplus 525]

Is it ok if the dog runs across it when I let him out?

And this great one... I show up to stain a deck, and there's this huge soft pile of doggy doo right in the middle of the deck. It looked as if the dog may have been a little sick.

Anyway, I say to the customer, "Why did you let the dog poop on the deck?" You should have at least cleaned it off before I got here, or phoned to let me know it happened.

He says, "You didn't say anything about that" (not letting his dog poop on the deck)

I told him "I didn't think I had too, who would leave a pile of runny dog crap on a freshly cleaned deck, for somebody else to clean up".

[John Orr 206]

"Is that your best price?"

My reply: I always assume that when I'm asked for a price, I'm being asked for my best price. I don't know if I am your first or forth bid, so this is my one shot to get your business. If I lowered my price now, it would be obvious that I was trying to charge you too much, but got caught.

[Pams Pressure & Clean 64]

"I just can't believe you got the whole house and both deck washed in just one day.. last time I did it, it took me a week !! How did you do that?"

[Craig 111]

Hey Jon,

Here are some other ways to deal with "Is that your best price?"

Is that what your basing your purchasing decision on? ..is BEST PRICE???

You can always go and find a better deal down the street but your best price may not necessarily be your least expensive decision! There comes a point at which you just need to make a choice. Then ask "If two contractors charged the same price and one did a better job than the other who would you rather go with?"

...then sell yourself and close the deal.

Or end it with, "And hey, I am so confident you will be happy with my service and results that if you aren't, don't pay me!" ...now where is your water spicket? LOL

Craig

[PressurePros 249]

For those of us that do KEC, the best are the Asian restaurants.

"You do for less I pay cash"?

Which is an easy one... "Sure, how much less do I pay for a quart of Lo Mein if I pay cash"?

[RyanH 14]

I had one customer that threw the "Is that your best price?" line....only one. I guess I'm lucky since I usually charge a premium price (although, from the looks of my trailer setup, you might wonder how I get it :) ).

I retort with

"For you or for me? In the interest of you, the consumer, then yes. In the interest of me, the contractor, then probably not. I would be more than happy to charge you more, but seeing as how I'm probably the highest bidder you've asked about for your property, I shouldn't push it. But man, wait until you see the results. You won't be disappointed."

He laughed and said some things about other people that have popped in and out of the neighborhood and have advertised the discount specials and that he had confidence in my abilities.

PressurePros,

I have played the cash game many times, sometimes with success, sometimes not. I rented some motorcycles in the mountains a few weeks back for my wife and myself and offered the guy cash if we could get some off (around 5% I think it was). He laughed and said "I use the money to pay my bills...I don't know what you use it for. Cash or otherwise, it spends the same to me." His polite way of saying "No." But, being the miser I am, I did get him to come off the price by 20% by pointing out the fact that he can have a guaranteed daily rental for two scooters or can have them sitting there doing nothing for him if we only got them for an hour. He felt good, I felt good.

[Henry B. 4]

Aww come on haven't you all gotten the most famous of them all?

U give me good deal! I haf lotsa fweinds!

Well then, why don't you invite them all over and do the job together?

[K.J. Pressure Washing 14]

.....if I had a nickel for every time I heard that one......what I really want to do is this>>>>>>>

[Beth n Rod 1,279]

Things I wish I could have said....

Contractor-Is that my best price? You're kidding right?

Actually, no its not my best price, I could add a few hundred bucks and that would be my best price.

Customer-Can you do anything about lowering the price?

Contractor-Sure! I could lower the quality of the work!

Customer-Is it going to hurt any of my plants?

Contractor-Actually ma'am, were going to probably kill every one of them, but do I get a bonus if any are left alive?

Customer-Are you going to clean the bird poop off before you seal it?

Contractor-Did you see which one did it so we can bill it?

Customer-I am looking for a sealer that will last for 5 years.

Contractor-Ok, here, just dont open the can till 2009!

Customer-You do good job, I tell neighbors.

Contractor-Dont bother, they will see it anyway.

Customer-I dont like the color.

Contractor-Then why did you pick it?

Customer-Will power washing take away the splinters?

Contractor-No, but I can make sure theres alot more!

Customer-What happens if it rains?

Contractor-Everything gets...wet.

Something I actually did say...

Customer-"It leaves a mark when I do this" (taking a fingernail and deliberately scratching the not yet cured coating)

Contractor- "Then, dont do it!"

Rod~

Special thanks to K.J. for the smilies, these are a riot!

[One Tough Pressure 580]

After a long discusiion with the Chili's manager about cleaning his property, and his repeated comments of we do not need it. (It was filthy)

Last question I asked was do you currently have a service? And he replied that they came quarterly. I quickly replied "your quarters up buddy, you better call them"

May not have been the nicest thing to say but the look on his face was priceless.:o :eek: :grrr:

[aph111 14]

K.J What is the smilley hitting the other smilley with???

[RyanH 14]

K.J What is the smilley hitting the other smilley with???

A common sense retort?

[K.J. Pressure Washing 14]

What Ryan said.......!

I guess a billy club that is bent out of shape from wackin' the other guy 24/7! :D

[Beth n Rod 1,279]

or...an ugly stick!

Rod~